Friends In Low Places

One of the benefits of living in Las Vegas is the fact that my friends here are from all over the country and therefore their friends are all over the country and they like to come to Vegas. There isn't really a good story to go with this entry... well that's not entirely true but it's a long and complicated story so let's just introduce Mr. NM.

Moving on. So Mr. NC also happens to be a good friend of mine and he had some friends coming to town on a random Tuesday night, it was his one friend's b-days and would I ever take them to da Palms? After acknowledging the ridiculousness of that question we find ourselves having a pre-party cocktail. During said pre-party it is revealed that one of these friends lives in a state I need, mission accomplished. But let's skip over that for a moment and instead let me tell you what happened to Mr. MT later in the night...

We are getting ready to leave the club however Mr. MT is missing. We finally get a hold of him only to discover that he has left da Palms and is outside Seamless. (strip club) Apparently he picked up 2 chicks, went with them to their car, one or both of them gave him a BJ (the details are limited since I heard this story from Mr. NC the next day) then asked him for $10 to get condoms. After he gave them the $ they took off. He can see the strip club from where he is so he begins to walk there. 3 guys come out of nowhere, beat the hell out of him and then disappear.

Take that story and do what you will with it because frankly I don't even know where to begin. This challenge has been so f-ing entertaining! "You can't make this shit up."

Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy

As you may or may not know there is a bar at the waaay south end of the Strip called Stoney's. It's not just any bar, however, it is a country bar and therefor a place that I have successfully avoided. Mind you friends have tried to coerce me into going there before and I have almost caved, thankfully other things came up preventing me from having to endure a bunch of rednecks and bad music. My standing boycott came to an end when once again Amanda played on my weakness... "Missouri will be there." Thanks Mr. MO!

Now I have heard the rumors about this bar (mostly from my unimpressed roommate) but I never imagined a scene quite like this. The people watching deserves an A+ and nothing classes up a joint quite like a mechanical bull. The drinks are dirt cheap too but it's so damn far away that someone has to sober cab it or be you have to be willing to pay for a cab, details that negate the usefulness of the cheap drinks. The icing on the cake however has got to be the DJ announcing, as a Brittany Spears song begins, (equally as offensive as country music) "line dancers only on the dance floor." This is no joke people, the entire dance floor was packed with people doing a line dance to hip-hop. As I scoff the man in the American flag shirt (you can't make this shit up) says "c'mon, this one is super easy to learn, anyone can do it." Really? You think I am not dancing because it might be too challenging? I'm not line dancing because it 's f-ing hip-hop!

Pardon the rant but as far as I can tell line dancing was created so that people who don't really know how to dance, don't have the confidence in their ability to dance, and/or can't handle the pressure of asking someone to dance can participate in the dancing experience. (Possible other reasons include: the lyrics are easy to write and choreographers need jobs too) I will admit to taking a country western class in college and thoroughly enjoying it, I think choreographed dancing is way more fun and is much more challenging then the bump and grind shit at the club. And I respect the need to country bars, people love that shit. But when the hip-hop comes on give the line dancing a rest.

Back to the point of the blog... states. I had it in my head that I would meet at least one honest-to-god southerner from a useful state while there. I ran around the bar talking to every attractive man and much to my dismay they were all from NV or one of the easy states. I was about to throw in the towel when Amanda made it her business to make this trip to the far south worth my time. As you'll see she dropped the "attractive" part and just tried to find men from useful states. I'd like y'all to meet Mr. TN, Mr. CO and...

yeah, that's right... f-ing Alaska was at the country bar!

I still hope I never have to go there again but Stoney's... I owe you an apology... you are not completely useless.

Sunday Funday

It's easy to talk a big game about getting up early to hit da Palms pool when you are out drinking. However when the phone rings early (hey.. 11am is early when you stay out until dawn) it seems like less of a good idea. So when the text message reminder came in that we were to be heading to the pool it only seemed logical to ignore it. Of course that won't deter a friend who was smart enough to go to bed earlier and inevitably I had to answer the phone and plead my case for more sleep. Unfortunately, Amanda knew just what to say to motivate my ass out of the bed... "Kansas is going to be there." And apparently he could use a ride to the airport where he offered to play along...

Self-portrait (with my phone no less) while smooching... be impressed!

WHERE THE HELL HAVE I BEEN?!?!

Um, slacking, quite honestly. After getting back from Vegas in April, laying a complete ass-whooping out on Mary, I guess I got a little cocky (hehe) thinking I had mad skillz or something. Well, Mary decides that she is the dominating force in this little competition of ours, so I feel I must step up my game. I was just thinking about that the other day, how it's been too long since I've made out with a guy from a different state...I was getting nostalgic about our dear little blog. I've missed you so.

So my Vegas pictures are all on my computer that crashed in May, and I still haven't gotten it fixed yet. During that head-to-head with Mary, I got 8 states, all added to the list to the left. I was going to call this post "Eight is NOT Enough" but then that would be lame. Here they are: Nebraska, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and Virginia all courtesy of one kick ass group of bachelor party dudes, and Arizona, Georgia, Louisiana, and North Carolina all random other kisses. Some of these guys were rather hot, and I'm bummed that I can't show you the pics right now, but there were plenty of witnesses, Mary included hahahahaaaaa.

So add to that 8 one more, wild card if you will. That's right, my badass kisses a dude from AUSTRALIA about a month ago. Mary happened to be in Minnesota and partying with our friends that night, I met him at the bar. Thank goodness for our new foreign country rule, now I have 1 wild card. YAY. Again, I don't have pics, but our official referee, Bobby, was right there.

So that's it for now, it's been fun. Next time, I promise to use my camera and write a blog entry that will not put you to sleep. xoxo

Thank god for facebook!

Cut and paste from my fb chat with Nick earlier this evening...

12:45amNick
btw
you forgot indiana on the blog
i commented on it to remind you

12:45amMary
huh?

12:45amNick
and to make fun of the AR vs. KS

12:45amMary
what about Indiana?
what? Ar... KS?

12:46amNick
on the way out Sat
while you were looking for RI
you kissed indiana
ok, i'll slow down
1: you forgot to blog about Mr. Indiana, who you kissed on the way out of the palms on saturday night
2: i also made fun of you because you kept thinking that Mr. Arkansas was Mr. Kansas, because you don't pay attention to details

12:47amMary
I so don't remember that!

12:47amNick
You were shouting about Rhode Island

12:47amMary
tell me more details... where at da Palms?
that I remember

12:47amNick
near the bar by the door
we ran into a group
none from RI, but one guy from IN

12:47amMary
this sounds vaguely familiar

12:47amNick
who didn't want to kiss you, but you bullied him into it

12:48amMary
awsome!

12:48amNick
and while explaining the game, one of his friends tried to get you to say the game was 50 fingers in your ass from 50 states
which, to me, was the funniest part

So there you have it! Mr. IN

Ketchup er I mean Catch-up

Again I find that I am days behind despite the warning from Nick that this was going to be really funny but I've got to write it right away. Sadly he is right and perhaps he will comment on this with any additional funniness since he was there for at least 2 of these. Oh wait... I have to go back further...

Our friend's boyfriend was in town for 2 weeks for work and a friend of Jamie's (also a friend of said boyfriend) recently moved to THE LV. So one weekend we did what we do best and threw a BBQ followed by a trip to da Palms. (Shocking! I know) Despite the fact that Jamie went to school at Virginia Tech and lived in the DC area I don't have that many states from that area. (Or perhaps I do, I failed that stupid label the 50 states test) Our friend encouraged us to cause trouble with her boyfriend while he was here so I brought him in on the game and he took these pictures of me and Mr. VA!

Now when Nick asked if I could go with him to a wedding last Tuesday first I thought, "who the hell gets married on a Tuesday," but then a better question popped into my head, "where are the bride and groom from?" The bride is from TX. (or southern CA but who cares I have them both) The groom is from the south... the invite becomes more interesting. (Insert the missing funny thought/quote/idea [but don't mention the one idea Nick]) Although I did see this kid's ID I am not 100% sure he is old enough to drink... ya'll say Howdy to Mr. AR!

(Wow, the phone pix inside are mediocre at best) Another groomsmen was from LA and I was pretty sure I had it but foolishly left my list of states at home, so I kissed him anyway because as Nick pointed out, "You'll need it when you lap Melissa!"

This past Saturday in honor of (fill in your reason to drink here) we had a BBQ and went to da Palms. (No wonder my life is a haze and the weekends are blending together) It was Nick and his gang of hoes so the game was on. One of the girls caught us a bachelor party early in the night but only 1 guy was from a qualifying state. Nick attempted a picture with his phone but no dice, he and the gang of hoes can vouch for Mr. MA. The rest of the night consisted of me asking everyone if they were from Rhode Island (I swear the DJ gave a shout out to his peeps from RI... although maybe he was saying Long Island...) only to find states I already had. Still I believe this takes me to 30!

It's about time!

So this update is totally belated and honestly I have no details. MN M kicked my ass in the head to head competition but I did manage to get a couple more. Here's Mr. Illinois and and Mr. Ohio. Apparently MN M brought the midwest to Vegas with her!




It's short but at least it is updated. Hopefully there's more to come tonight ;)

Oh yeah, I have North Carolina too. There isn't any photographic evidence so far but there's voicemail evidence (and it's super funny) plus there are plenty of people who can vouch for it.