Friends In Low Places

One of the benefits of living in Las Vegas is the fact that my friends here are from all over the country and therefore their friends are all over the country and they like to come to Vegas. There isn't really a good story to go with this entry... well that's not entirely true but it's a long and complicated story so let's just introduce Mr. NM.

Moving on. So Mr. NC also happens to be a good friend of mine and he had some friends coming to town on a random Tuesday night, it was his one friend's b-days and would I ever take them to da Palms? After acknowledging the ridiculousness of that question we find ourselves having a pre-party cocktail. During said pre-party it is revealed that one of these friends lives in a state I need, mission accomplished. But let's skip over that for a moment and instead let me tell you what happened to Mr. MT later in the night...

We are getting ready to leave the club however Mr. MT is missing. We finally get a hold of him only to discover that he has left da Palms and is outside Seamless. (strip club) Apparently he picked up 2 chicks, went with them to their car, one or both of them gave him a BJ (the details are limited since I heard this story from Mr. NC the next day) then asked him for $10 to get condoms. After he gave them the $ they took off. He can see the strip club from where he is so he begins to walk there. 3 guys come out of nowhere, beat the hell out of him and then disappear.

Take that story and do what you will with it because frankly I don't even know where to begin. This challenge has been so f-ing entertaining! "You can't make this shit up."

Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy

As you may or may not know there is a bar at the waaay south end of the Strip called Stoney's. It's not just any bar, however, it is a country bar and therefor a place that I have successfully avoided. Mind you friends have tried to coerce me into going there before and I have almost caved, thankfully other things came up preventing me from having to endure a bunch of rednecks and bad music. My standing boycott came to an end when once again Amanda played on my weakness... "Missouri will be there." Thanks Mr. MO!

Now I have heard the rumors about this bar (mostly from my unimpressed roommate) but I never imagined a scene quite like this. The people watching deserves an A+ and nothing classes up a joint quite like a mechanical bull. The drinks are dirt cheap too but it's so damn far away that someone has to sober cab it or be you have to be willing to pay for a cab, details that negate the usefulness of the cheap drinks. The icing on the cake however has got to be the DJ announcing, as a Brittany Spears song begins, (equally as offensive as country music) "line dancers only on the dance floor." This is no joke people, the entire dance floor was packed with people doing a line dance to hip-hop. As I scoff the man in the American flag shirt (you can't make this shit up) says "c'mon, this one is super easy to learn, anyone can do it." Really? You think I am not dancing because it might be too challenging? I'm not line dancing because it 's f-ing hip-hop!

Pardon the rant but as far as I can tell line dancing was created so that people who don't really know how to dance, don't have the confidence in their ability to dance, and/or can't handle the pressure of asking someone to dance can participate in the dancing experience. (Possible other reasons include: the lyrics are easy to write and choreographers need jobs too) I will admit to taking a country western class in college and thoroughly enjoying it, I think choreographed dancing is way more fun and is much more challenging then the bump and grind shit at the club. And I respect the need to country bars, people love that shit. But when the hip-hop comes on give the line dancing a rest.

Back to the point of the blog... states. I had it in my head that I would meet at least one honest-to-god southerner from a useful state while there. I ran around the bar talking to every attractive man and much to my dismay they were all from NV or one of the easy states. I was about to throw in the towel when Amanda made it her business to make this trip to the far south worth my time. As you'll see she dropped the "attractive" part and just tried to find men from useful states. I'd like y'all to meet Mr. TN, Mr. CO and...

yeah, that's right... f-ing Alaska was at the country bar!

I still hope I never have to go there again but Stoney's... I owe you an apology... you are not completely useless.

Sunday Funday

It's easy to talk a big game about getting up early to hit da Palms pool when you are out drinking. However when the phone rings early (hey.. 11am is early when you stay out until dawn) it seems like less of a good idea. So when the text message reminder came in that we were to be heading to the pool it only seemed logical to ignore it. Of course that won't deter a friend who was smart enough to go to bed earlier and inevitably I had to answer the phone and plead my case for more sleep. Unfortunately, Amanda knew just what to say to motivate my ass out of the bed... "Kansas is going to be there." And apparently he could use a ride to the airport where he offered to play along...

Self-portrait (with my phone no less) while smooching... be impressed!

WHERE THE HELL HAVE I BEEN?!?!

Um, slacking, quite honestly. After getting back from Vegas in April, laying a complete ass-whooping out on Mary, I guess I got a little cocky (hehe) thinking I had mad skillz or something. Well, Mary decides that she is the dominating force in this little competition of ours, so I feel I must step up my game. I was just thinking about that the other day, how it's been too long since I've made out with a guy from a different state...I was getting nostalgic about our dear little blog. I've missed you so.

So my Vegas pictures are all on my computer that crashed in May, and I still haven't gotten it fixed yet. During that head-to-head with Mary, I got 8 states, all added to the list to the left. I was going to call this post "Eight is NOT Enough" but then that would be lame. Here they are: Nebraska, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and Virginia all courtesy of one kick ass group of bachelor party dudes, and Arizona, Georgia, Louisiana, and North Carolina all random other kisses. Some of these guys were rather hot, and I'm bummed that I can't show you the pics right now, but there were plenty of witnesses, Mary included hahahahaaaaa.

So add to that 8 one more, wild card if you will. That's right, my badass kisses a dude from AUSTRALIA about a month ago. Mary happened to be in Minnesota and partying with our friends that night, I met him at the bar. Thank goodness for our new foreign country rule, now I have 1 wild card. YAY. Again, I don't have pics, but our official referee, Bobby, was right there.

So that's it for now, it's been fun. Next time, I promise to use my camera and write a blog entry that will not put you to sleep. xoxo

Thank god for facebook!

Cut and paste from my fb chat with Nick earlier this evening...

12:45amNick
btw
you forgot indiana on the blog
i commented on it to remind you

12:45amMary
huh?

12:45amNick
and to make fun of the AR vs. KS

12:45amMary
what about Indiana?
what? Ar... KS?

12:46amNick
on the way out Sat
while you were looking for RI
you kissed indiana
ok, i'll slow down
1: you forgot to blog about Mr. Indiana, who you kissed on the way out of the palms on saturday night
2: i also made fun of you because you kept thinking that Mr. Arkansas was Mr. Kansas, because you don't pay attention to details

12:47amMary
I so don't remember that!

12:47amNick
You were shouting about Rhode Island

12:47amMary
tell me more details... where at da Palms?
that I remember

12:47amNick
near the bar by the door
we ran into a group
none from RI, but one guy from IN

12:47amMary
this sounds vaguely familiar

12:47amNick
who didn't want to kiss you, but you bullied him into it

12:48amMary
awsome!

12:48amNick
and while explaining the game, one of his friends tried to get you to say the game was 50 fingers in your ass from 50 states
which, to me, was the funniest part

So there you have it! Mr. IN

Ketchup er I mean Catch-up

Again I find that I am days behind despite the warning from Nick that this was going to be really funny but I've got to write it right away. Sadly he is right and perhaps he will comment on this with any additional funniness since he was there for at least 2 of these. Oh wait... I have to go back further...

Our friend's boyfriend was in town for 2 weeks for work and a friend of Jamie's (also a friend of said boyfriend) recently moved to THE LV. So one weekend we did what we do best and threw a BBQ followed by a trip to da Palms. (Shocking! I know) Despite the fact that Jamie went to school at Virginia Tech and lived in the DC area I don't have that many states from that area. (Or perhaps I do, I failed that stupid label the 50 states test) Our friend encouraged us to cause trouble with her boyfriend while he was here so I brought him in on the game and he took these pictures of me and Mr. VA!

Now when Nick asked if I could go with him to a wedding last Tuesday first I thought, "who the hell gets married on a Tuesday," but then a better question popped into my head, "where are the bride and groom from?" The bride is from TX. (or southern CA but who cares I have them both) The groom is from the south... the invite becomes more interesting. (Insert the missing funny thought/quote/idea [but don't mention the one idea Nick]) Although I did see this kid's ID I am not 100% sure he is old enough to drink... ya'll say Howdy to Mr. AR!

(Wow, the phone pix inside are mediocre at best) Another groomsmen was from LA and I was pretty sure I had it but foolishly left my list of states at home, so I kissed him anyway because as Nick pointed out, "You'll need it when you lap Melissa!"

This past Saturday in honor of (fill in your reason to drink here) we had a BBQ and went to da Palms. (No wonder my life is a haze and the weekends are blending together) It was Nick and his gang of hoes so the game was on. One of the girls caught us a bachelor party early in the night but only 1 guy was from a qualifying state. Nick attempted a picture with his phone but no dice, he and the gang of hoes can vouch for Mr. MA. The rest of the night consisted of me asking everyone if they were from Rhode Island (I swear the DJ gave a shout out to his peeps from RI... although maybe he was saying Long Island...) only to find states I already had. Still I believe this takes me to 30!

It's about time!

So this update is totally belated and honestly I have no details. MN M kicked my ass in the head to head competition but I did manage to get a couple more. Here's Mr. Illinois and and Mr. Ohio. Apparently MN M brought the midwest to Vegas with her!




It's short but at least it is updated. Hopefully there's more to come tonight ;)

Oh yeah, I have North Carolina too. There isn't any photographic evidence so far but there's voicemail evidence (and it's super funny) plus there are plenty of people who can vouch for it.

I literally got off the plane an hour ago from Vegas. I am so beyond excited to update this blog with my latest additions form yet another fun filled, head-to-head weekend with Mary. However, like I said, I just got home from Vegas which means I need to sleep for the next 36 hours.

I love how Mary incorporated our latest idea - fun facts about the states. We came up with that genius idea at 4am Saturday morning, while eating dinner (breakfast?) at a lovely restaurant called "AMERICA" (fuck yeah) which was entirely too apropos.

We also came up with another rule, after running into a few guys from different countries - we can use up to 3 guys from other countries to substitute for difficult to obtain states at the end. I like this rule because a Saudi Arabian prince totally wanted to make out with us, which surprisingly happens a lot.

Anyways, update coming soon. I have narrowed the gap!

Fun Facts

So a couple of random weekend nights over the past couple of weeks we go to da Palms. I know you are all shocked by that but it's true. There was drinking, dancing and everything. Even more bizarre was the fact that I drank too much and don't remember all of the evening including some of the fellows to follow. Since not remembering the incident does not make for a good story I am going to instead share with you some fun facts about these states. Because as MN M said, "we not only want to entertain... we want to educate."

Let's start with what I do remember...

Jen began the night by fishing in the casino and on one of her firsts casts she found me an Idiot Out Wandering Around. If you're from the midwest you know who that is. (no offense to Rob, he is clearly an exception) Did you know that the crookedest street in the world is Snake Alley located in Burlington, IA. Not sure where Mr. Iowa actually lived but it's interesting never the less. I give you Mr. IA...

Try as she might that night (I'm a poet and I didn't even know it! ha!) every other catch was a state I already had. This is becoming more challenging!

Of course a birthday, especially a "Pinkalicious" one, can always draw a crowd so back we went to our favorite spot. These two fellas I do not recall which is a bummer because from these pictures they look kinda cute. After much discussion of what states I got and who had the pictures we found these on Jen's camera. Luckily someone remembered and they were willing to pull out their... IDs! (get your heads out of the gutter)

I bring you Mr. Louisiana and Mr. South Carolina (apparently it's time to start working the south)

Once again the look on the guys face is too funny. Did you know Louisiana has the tallest state capitol building in the United States; the building is 450 feet tall with 34 floors.

I'm a neck grabber this time! Ha! And one more for the road... did you know the Chitlin' Strut festival is held every year in Salley, South Carolina—attendees take part in a feast of chitlins, or boiled hog intestines. Yum sounds delicious!

Kiss Me I'm Irish!

At the end of April MN M will be back in Vegas so I am motivated to have a solid lead going into the head to head competition...

This blog's entry begins on St. Patrick's day. We couldn't decide where to go because everything was going to be a crowded, drunken mess and let's face it, I am am indecisive anyway. After a casino pub crawl I bet you can guess where we ended the night... da Palms of course. I should have written this earlier because I don't really remember the details. I know we were at Ghostbar and I think Jen may have snagged one and I got the other. I give you Mr. Utah (no ID, sorry he lost it) and Mr. California. Happy St. Patty's Day!

Friday began at TAO Beach with a couple complimentary cocktails (kids thank Corey... thanks Corey) then it was off to Spring Break Bash with DJ Jazzy Jeff at Rain! He didn't come on until later so we went up to Ghostbar for a bit. I met Mr. New Jersey who was not comprehending the way the game worked but eventually cooperated. I don't think I have any pictures with IDs but there were three other girls that can vouch for me.

After a couple botched states, (Amanda, although quite fun is the worst wingman ever and offended them before I could close the deal) we met a bachelor party mostly from Hawaii and Conneticut. Sadly, we went to get drinks and lost all but one of them so we headed back down to Rain. Jamie snagged us bachelor party number two so I would like to introduce you to Mr. Conneticut. Look at the expressionon his face in the first picture... I had to post it!

Finally, as we were leaving da Palms Mr. Hawaii, who had actually been hanging out with us all night, decided to play along. Hawaii had a British accent, which was hot, (I have to give Amanda credit for him) and he wanted to try to surprise me, (um hello, you were with us all night, there needs to be photographic evidence) so this one happened outside da Palms.

This brings us to Saturday and once again I bet you can't guess where we decided to go, suprisingly we stayed at Ghostbar the whole time. I wish there was something more to tell you about these three but the stories are uninteresting, we met, we explained the situation, we kissed. Mr. Texas, he fanagled an extra kiss and wanted to stick around.


Mr. Wisconsin had a fabulous white blazer, may have been gay and gives me more ammo to make fun of that lame state. Mr. Georgia was last but not least. Actually he could be least, nobody remembers any interesting details about him.

I believe that brings me to 20 states. Take that MN M! See you in a month!

I'm Back, Bitches!

Well, well, well...ya'll thought I gave up on this idea/blog/contest, didn't you? Well, turns out the lack of posts is not because I'm a quitter, rather I found myself a pretty regular piece of ass (some may call this a "relationship") thanks to this very game. Yep, Mr. Wisconsin & I have decided to not stop making out after that blog entry almost 2 months ago. And he is still sticking around, what gives? And the cherry on top of this whole fucked up sundae is that he is encouraging me to continue and become the ultimate victor. Really. I am serious. Did I score or WHAT?!

Anyways, onto the damned story. I was in Chicago for work Monday - Wednesday this week and had a hell of a day on Tuesday thanks to the shit hitting the fan back in my Minnesota office. I was travelling with my best friend/co-worker, Erin, who like me, really wanted to go out for cocktails that night with some of our local Chicago friends, but we were stuck working until almost midnight. UGH. Well, because Erin & I are "using addicts" according to our recovering alcoholic boss, we were hell bent on getting a freaking drink, so we went around the corner to an Irish pub. After 1 or 2 drinks, 2 gentlemen stumbled in from what looked like a very festive evening, immediately offered to buy us drinks (I am not kidding, we were in sweatpants and looked like SHIT.) This is where I picked up on the accents. OMG WHERE ARE YOU FROM? I demanded to know seeing an excellent opportunity to get back into the game. Texas & Tennessee it turns out. SCORE! Now for the fun part...Erin gladly stepping in the role as winglady, came up with a plan in the ladies room that was a masterpiece in itself. We almost went with it until I realized this was much too easy on it's own. These guys were wasted, and for whatever reason, very into us. "I got this..." I slurred back to her, and went on with my mission. Tennessee was EASY, he was all over the idea from the get go and kept asking "when do we kiss, when do we kiss?"

Aaaand here is the license proof...sorry for the bad quality. iphones are useful most of the time, but not in a dark ass bar.

Texas was not so cooperative. He thought we were running a scam, even though we showed him the website on our phones. Whatever. His conspiracy ideas were ludicrous and lol-able. For a moment it seemed like a lost cause and I didn't have the energy or care enough to fight him on it. He also really wanted to kiss Erin, and that wasn't going to happen either, so we got up to leave. At the last minute, he grabbed me for a hug and kissed me super fast, before Erin could get the camera ready. But she was a witness, so there.

So I am happy to say I'm back in the game! HOORAY! It's good to be home...

When I was 17 years old...

... my boyfriend at the time was a senior and he wanted to go to the same college that my mom went to, coincidentally, becuase they had a good aerospace program. The day he found out he was accepted he joined my parents and I for dinner. Later he and I went downstairs to "watch a movie." Those of you that know this story know where I am going with it and have already figured out this weekend's Mr. State, plus it's a pretty funny story. In the middle of "the movie" we hear clapping and singing coming from above, only to realize that my mom and dad have donned my mom's old college sweatshirts, found a pennat (not kidding, you can't make this shit up) and they are heading downstairs, clapping and singing "I wanna go ta... North Dakota!" (It's a song, trust me... what was that quote again Nick, "while a mood killer it is not, if fact, an evidence killer.") Of course I tell this story in honor of this weekend's accomplishment... Mr. North Dakota. FYI My aunt was Mrs. North Dakota a few years ago.

Again the story is not that interesting becuase I foolishly had a shot turning the night into a hazy memory pieced together from photographs, text messages, and discussions with those attending said festivities. I will admit that this one was premeditated, my cousin had this bowling trip planned for a while and well... North Dakota isn't that densly populated and it's pretty far away, he's single and well it is North Dakota... hopefully at this point you have all gone "ew," but there's no need, I left the hitting on my cousin to one of the married moms we were with and kissed one of his friends instead ;) Thanks for playing Mr. ND!

You'll have to guess from the background where we were... it's a tough one

Good times! I love this challenge, it's super funny.

Ms. Understandings

"Shit!... I gotta write that blog!" I exclaimed a few minutes ago. The roomie promptly replied, "I was wondering why you hadn't written it yet... oh yeah, you need my help, although I am not going to be that helpful because you kept wandering off."

That pretty much sums up the last couple weekends. Here's how I think it went down... jell-o shots at the house, (kids thank Jen... thanks Jen) Arbonne energy drinks and vodka for the road, nasty shot at the circle bar, then I swear I wasn't going to drink anymore but people kept buying and it's rude to say no... right?!

I don't really remember Ghostbar, but wait, we just reviewed the pictures and yes... Mr. Arizona was at Ghostbar! (you can tell by the background) I apparently found him on my own, I thought he was from WI, there was some sort of misunderstanding, his been in AZ for like ten years, or something, I don't really know the details, but as his ID clearly states he is from AZ.

(check out the look on my face, I am soo up to no good... and WASTED!)

Cut to Moon... here's our friend's version (told to me the next morning) "so we're walking in and you stop but the rest of continue. We get to a bar and Jamie notices your absence, she says she's gonna get a visual on you so she knew where you were lest you should disappear (apparently she claims this has happened before! I never! have been so falsely accused!) she walks away and almost immediately returns and asks for the camera!" I can tell you that once again there was some sort of misunderstanding with this guy as well. I think he might live here now, again I don't really know the details. Then Mr. Michigan thought we were trying to scam him, or something (do I really need to say " again I don't really know the details?") and got all weird about the ID pic, which ended up being a nice cleavage shot instead.

(check out that chick's shirt...er dress?)

So there you have it. Sorry Nick, once again it's hazy at best. I'll try harder to remember next weekend or maybe you should be a better wingman! Totally just kidding! You rock! If it wasn't for you none of this would be happening!

If 3 is a hat trick...

...then what is 4?! (Take that MN M!)

Thanks to my all knowing roommate I can actually tell you who is who. So guess where we went last night? If you said "da Palms" then you are correct! (and hopefully shocked that we decided to do something different) We wanted to see the the Rock of Love Bus whores but alas we only say the drummer from the BMB (yeah that's right, The Bret Michaels Band) I was going to make him Mr. Wherever He Is From but his woman was all over him so alas I had to set my sights on other men. Luckily our friends invited some air force boys along for the ride. Honestly it's hazy at best but let me introduce you to...

Mr. Minnesota (I guess this ends the debate over who will be Mr. MN, sorry guys)

Mr. Kentucky (He crashed at our house... with my other friend)

Mr. Washington (random guy with a table)

Mr. Nevada ("He was cute!" according to my friend and possibly gay according to my other friend)

Well I did not get all of the IDs but there are witnesses who can verify all of this since I don't remember most of it. Next weekend Aimless will be here and she will help me find my target!